Get married, have kids, move to the suburbs, right? Nah.
City versus suburbs
Doug and I put a lot of thought into where we wanted to raise a family. And by that I mean when we were ready to buy a house we looked at each other and said, "We're not moving to the suburbs, right?"
This is not to say that we won't ever move to the suburbs. I've figured a few things out in life: Don't buy gummy bears in bulk because I'll eat them all at once, don't dye my own hair, and don't ever speak in absolutes. And this is not to say that anyone who does head to the burbs is making anything but the best decision for their family and future. Everyone has a different version of that white picket fence and everyone's happiness check list is unique. But for us, for now, and for many years to come, we're a city family.
We moved from Boston to Philadelphia for many reasons, but one of them was the drive to be able to affordably live where all the hustle and bustle was happening in a city that we both loved. We love Boston and the people in it, but buying a house there was not in the cards for us.
So we packed up our life, said our tearful goodbyes, moved to Philly, and fell head over heels with the neighborhood where we were renting. When we had Theo a few months later, we knew definitively this is where we wanted to buy a house and raise our family.
Since signing over that big, fat check, I've fielded lots of well-intentioned questions from people about the practicalities and realities of raising kids in a city. The most common comments seem to be, What about the schools? What about the crime? But cities are dirty. And city kids are "different."
What about the schools?
One of the reasons we love our neighborhood so much is because we intentionally chose to live in a public school catchment that was known for its rising public elementary school. Where we live, an increasing number of young families are choosing to stay and raise their kids here. We live across the street from a playground. On our block, there are more families with young children and babies than those without. At 5 p.m., that playground is bumping louder than whatever hip club the youths go to these days, ya know what I mean, wassup wassup I'm still cool?
These parents are educators, influencers, and involved in their kids' lives and will and do take those passions to the public school. As will we. Since the steady growth of families in our neighborhood, the school has seen a similar growth in test scores, attendance, and new programs that, frankly, put my and my husband's own suburban elementary education programs to shame.
The teachers and administrators at the school are innovative, passionate, and bring a fresh perspective on the ways they can positively influence the kids coming from a tremendously diverse neighborhood catchment. I think by the time Theo is old enough to enter elementary school, there will be even more progress and improvement and I will be proud to send my child to the neighborhood public school.
What about the crime?
I listen to enough true crime podcasts to know that crime happens everywhere. If you're reading this and thinking, not in my neighborhood, there's probably a man hiding in your closet right now who is going to walk out and murder you when you're home alone making dinner.
Of course there is more crime in the city, as there is in every city. There are more people and a wider array of cultures and socioeconomic levels all crammed in together to live, work, and play. That's also what makes a city a beautiful, valuable place to live.
We are acutely aware of our environment. We live in a city that struggles with an opioid epidemic that burns like a wildfire. It's also the poorest big city in America. But it is a city devoted to tackling the tremendously complicated issues of poverty, inclusion, and justice. It is a city that is regularly challenging its citizens to look inward and act outward to better our community. It is a beautiful city with neighbors who care and playgrounds galore and public spaces designed to enrich everyone who passes through them.
We use common sense. We lock our doors and our windows. We have an alarm system. But we'd do all of that in the suburbs too if we were there. You know what I find scarier than the person experiencing homelessness you pointed out to me? Teenagers. You know what's teeming with teenagers? The suburbs. Hordes of them. All sulking around in their youthful fashions and hydrated skin and judgmental eyes. They're not even tired. They don't care. They'll eat you up and turn you into a gif before you even know what happened.
And in suburbs, less people can hear you scream.
But cities are dirty
Yeah, so is your mom. Guess what? My kid is going to eat dirt whether it's city dirt or suburban dirt and there's nothing I can do about it.
City kids are "different"
You bet they are. Today's city kids have a perspective on life that would have boggled my innocent little suburban mind. They're exposed to things first hand that blows their adorable eyes wide open from the very beginning.
They see poverty, so they know to be generous.
They see injustice, so they know to stand up for what's right.
They see diversity, so they know to be kind.
Of course, this is not exclusive to the city. Of course, parents can instill these values into kids no matter where they are. But few lessons have cemented these ideals into my own psyche as firmly or as quickly as experience, and it's important to me to give my kids that same chance.
The bottom line is we love city life. I love that I go so long without needing to drive a car that I usually forget where I parked it. I love that I can walk to dozens of coffee shops, yoga studios (you know, for all that yoga I'm totally doing right now), bars, shops, and restaurants. I love that I can hop on my bike and meet a friend for dinner across town. I love that Doug can bike to work in under 20 minutes so he can spend time with our family instead of in a car commuting. I love that there are so many good bagel options within walking distance that Doug and I used to debate which was the best. (Obviously I won.)
I love when I run out of milk, I can walk out my front door and be back in my kitchen pouring milk into my coffee within 10 minutes. I love the quantity and variety of really good food choices at my fingertips. I love the array of running routes I have when I step outside my door. I love the sense of community that our neighborhood works to cultivate. We sit on our stoops and knock on each others' doors and take in each others' packages and play with each others' kids.
In the city, there are museums and festivals and art shows and special events. There is always something fun to do.
It's easy to spontaneously grab a drink with my husband or walk out our door for a spur-of-the-moment family day date. And happy parents help make happy kids. Sure, we don't have a yard, but we have dozens of playgrounds and green spaces within walking distance. And Doug doesn't have to mow those.
All of these things and more are what made my first year as a parent easier, happier, and one of the most fulfilling of my life.
Do I sometimes fantasize about a big back yard and a beautiful deck? Absolutely. Do I want it enough to move out of the city? No, not yet, anyway. Might I change my mind in a few years and a few more kids? Totally. The city isn't for every family. But right now it is for ours.
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